While the United Kingdom basks in an unusually long bout of hot sun, the good old British police are having a difficult time as a result. There has been an outbreak of fierce arguments between neighbours who want to sunbathe in the nude, and those who want either to ban it or to have a look.

As a result, Surrey County police has warned that sun bathing “au naturel” (ie nude/naked/starkers/skyclad/in your birthday suit etc) in your own back garden might be against the law if it offends your neighbours. An Englishman’s home might be his castle, but apparently not his back garden. Nor, apparently, are his upstairs windows. Those wanting to lean out of their windows, or to get a better look by climbing a stepladder under the pretext of hedge trimming, have also been warned to desist. This was after those engaging in the outbreak of naturism complained about being spied upon, with the police being called on to mediate.

Vintage warning sign. Courtesy: The Internet

Some neighbours have apparently objected to this outbreak of public nudity for religious or family reasons. Let’s face it, there might be a few things on display that you might not wish the kids – or yourself – to see. Well it might just put you off your sausages sizzling nicely on your summer barbeque!

To get around this impasse the police suggest that those wishing to engage in nude sunbathing should try to be as secluded as possible, and that they should warn their neighbours first. In turn, police have also warned those planning on leaning out of their windows in a “Peeping Tom” way, not to do it.

By the way, in these days of remote working, which reduces the need to be close to the office/factory, “privacy, privacy, privacy” is rapidly usurping “location, location, location” as the key driver of house prices. Older houses often have the advantage in this respect over newly built houses in cramped modern estates, whose gardens are often very overlooked.

While your correspondent is no fan of naturism and public nudity for himself – especially given that his own pert years are long gone (or rather long sagged!) – nevertheless if the “beautiful people” want to do it, let them – whether it is a naughty little skinny dip in a swimming pool, or a bit of languorous sun worshipping.  Mind you, while a little bit of sun is good for you, just as you don’t want your sausage/banger to sizzle too much, so overdoing sunbathing can have its own sunburn/carcinogenic dangers.

One thing though, if beautiful people want to go naked then they must expect to be admired. And this might not just be by leering neighbours. For even the secluded confines of a garden will not ensure privacy, given that the scourge of the modern era – remotely controlled drone aircraft – can now image at will. And, of course, so can a multitude of modern commercial Earth observation satellites.

Given that such spacecraft now have imaging resolutions below 0.3m (about 12 inches), even your correspondent might not be able to hide his blushes. Then again, at this point he just might be having delusions of grandeur! 🙂

Having said that, your correspondent does however, harbour a secret dream of having a private walled garden one day, just in case he ever wants to walk around naked as nature intended.

Obviously, to ensure complete privacy, this writer will need a high powered anti-satellite laser to stave off any passing satellites, and a Counter-UAV signal jamming gun, such as the SteelRock Nightfighter (below), to take down any overly-inquisitive drones.  Mind you, with its 5.7 km range, let us hope it never accidently goes off in his hand, or he might just unintentionally knock down a passing airliner as well!

SteelRock Technologies Nightfighter counter-UAV system is what you need to knock down a spying drone. As the man behind obviously realises, you have to have your weapon to hand at all times. Courtesy: Seradata/David Todd